Finding a friend with benefits is a numbers game - but not all the time so careful!

31 Jan 2023 - 00:17 | Tags: winter sex games, numbers game
Numbers of girls in a line

When it comes to any type of dating, there is usually a numbers game element to it all. You have to meet a certain number of people, talk to a certain number of people, and yes, get rejected by a certain number of people before you find your fuck buddy at any given point in your life. This means that you have to put yourself out there and stay resilient in the face of all the rejections that you may face. This can be tough to do. We are wired to find rejection hard. I was once told that this was because when we lived in tribes, being rejected by your tribe equalled death. You could not survive on your own so rejection was a death sentence. This made sense to me, as the feeling one gets from rejection is far out of proportion to the actual results of the rejection (which can be mild to completely inconsequential). So if we can get over this, is finding a fuck buddy just a numbers game?

When it is a numbers game

There are certain times and settings when the best approach is to treat it as a numbers game. These are times and settings where there is a large, rotating or disposable population of the sex that you are attracted to. Let me give you some examples. When you are in a club and you meet people, for the most part, you are unlikely to ever meet them again! So the best thing to do is to treat it as a numbers game and go for it. If you do something that lands badly it doesn’t matter. If you make a bad impression, who are they going to tell? How is that going to have any chance of following you? It really isn’t! You can throw yourself at opportunity and, as long as you can bounce back quickly (or instantly) each time, it really doesn’t matter in the slightest! You are always going to just be able to have another go with someone else. Here, treat it is a numbers game.

When it is unhelpful to treat it as a numbers game

Where the person you are thinking of asking to be your friends with benefits is in your ecosystem already, then you need to not think of it as a numbers game. If you as and it is a no, this is not a problem as long as you ask well… but if you make a very bad impression etc that can stay in your ecosystem and follow you down the line. So if it is a real friend, and they do make the best friends with benefits so you should go for it, do not see it as numbers, see it in the most human way possible.

I hope that helps and good luck!